My Swim Coach is Ted Bundy

This post is referencing the same swim coach as the one my bro Riley wrote about on her blog.

Conspiracy Theory:

My swim coach is Ted Bundy.

I might be writing the same thing as Riley, but honestly I don’t care. Our swim coach is Ted Bundy, and by the end of this you will believe it too.

The first reason that this is complete fact is that Ted Bundy and our swim coach look identical. It’s like Ted Bundy died and was re-born as our swim coach. They look the exact same. I would add pictures to prove my point, but I feel like I should protect the identity of my swim coach. At least until he is arrested for being a serial murderer and rapist.

Aside from the fact that they look the exact same, there are many other factors that prove that our coach is in fact Ted Bundy.

This man is the most sadistic and cruel human being on the planet.

He is also a terrible swim coach, but that’s beside the point.

Last year Riley was on my relay team. She was very fast and she earned her spot on that team. But alas The Big Jerk decided that this was not the way things were supposed to be. Not only did he tell Riley that she was “slow” and accuse her of not trying, but he made her cry. Many many times. So many times. WHAT TYPE OF SOULESS MONSTER MAKES RILEY CRY???????? SHE IS THE SWEETEST HUMAN EVER and she also did nothing wrong. No coach should ever be the cause of a swimmers tears. Riley did not deserve to be yanked out of the pool and scolded. That is not how you motivate a swimmer. To make matters worse, he didn’t let her swim in our relay at sectionals. If he had we could have won a medal. Also he had no good reason to not let her swim.

Therefore he is Ted Bundy. Only Ted Bundy, the most souless being on Earth, could scream at Riley and make her cry. Therefore, he is Ted Bundy.

Our coach also told a girl in my grade, named Sam who was one second away from qualifying for an end of the season meet in backstroke. He told her she couldn’t do it and put her in a different event instead. He brought her to tears too. Clearly his coaching skills are not the best, and that coupled with the fact he looks like Ted Bundy, just about proves that he is Ted Bundy reincarnated.

Add to the fact that he has a wife and a child on the way, similar to the real Ted Bundy.

Now that we’ve discussed how the swim coach is similar to Ted Bundy, let’s discuss how this is possible. Ted Bundy was executed January 24 1989, but our swim coach was born in 1975, so how could he be Ted Bundy? Well here’s the thing, Ted Bundy was captured in 1975, so he could have done some voodoo magic or whatever and placed a bit of his soul into this un-born baby that was our swim coach. The baby would not be as evil and terrible as the real Ted Bundy, hence why he has not started killing those of us on the team yet, but it’s only a matter of time.

We need to be on guard this year. Our swim coach is soon not going to be happy just making everyone cry, he might move to murder. To test this theory we are going to have Austin fake drown and see what the coach does. If he saves Austin, he is still content with tears. If Austin is left to die, then he is clearly ready to move to the next step and we will need to move to phase two of the plan.

In phase two we push the coach into the pool. He can’t swim very fast, so we’re thinking we can push him in and just wait and see what happens. He’s most likely trained as a life guard though, but it will help us if we understand the extent of his swimming prowess. (Though to be fair he probably isn’t great since in college he was about as fast as me and Riley, and a grown man should be faster than a teenage girl).

Phase three is a little bit up in the air right now. If he survives being pushed in the pool and he shows more aggression we may just not come to practice. If this is the case, it will be posted on the meme page so everyone knows that our coach has finally gone crazy. Until then we shall just wait and see.

Our swim coach is Ted Bundy, and you cannot change my mind.

Here is a picture of Ted Bundy, you will just have to take our word for it, but they do look identical.

Disclaimer: I am not actually planning to harm my swim coach. That is a joke, please don’t report me.