My Swim Coach is no Longer Ted Bundy

So swim started last week. And honestly, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Sort of.

We have a new assistant coach named Langston Hughes. I don’t think his last name is actually Hughes, but I don’t know it so now his name is Langston Hughes. Now this guy is so cool. He has been swimming for a long time and he calls the 500 a sprint so obviously I love him. He does his best to make it so I’m not lapped in the fast lane and he does a really good job making the practices coach Andrew gives us better.

Now let’s talk about our dear coach ted. I don’t actually interact with him all that much anymore. He coaches the slower lanes now and stays with them to work on technique and stuff. I have absolutely no problems with this arrangement. I do feel bad for those lanes though, because they probably have to do wrong kick, which is just the worst drill in the history of ever.

Also coach ted shaved off his beard, so he looks slightly less like Ted Bundy. But it’s not enough to negate all of the factors proving that he is in fact Ted Bundy reincarnated. The evidence is too strong.

On Friday we were able to convince him to let us have a cannonball contest. A diver won it, obviously, but it was still fun.

I’m still not looking forward to going to practice though. I swim in a lane with Cam Watlet, Gavin Duhamel, Austin Drake, Abbigail Gribbon and three others. This would not be a problem if we were the same speed, but Gavin and Cam are super fast. They can do 100’s on 1:05 or 1:10, which is pretty normal for boys their age, espcially since their so dedicated to the sport. Abby and Austin aren’t too far behind them. Then there’s me and the other three. I’m out of shape, so right now I can only do 1:20’s, but eventually I’ll be able to do 1:15’s. Tragically, this means I should not be in the same lane as Gavin and Cam. Especially since they can do 50’s in 30 seconds. This means that since we leave the wall 5 seconds apart, after six people, Cam will be back at the wall. Now why ever would this cause a problem?

Because there are eight of us in the lane. So when I’m about to leave, Cam comes back. Joy. It’s quite the mess.

Why don’t we leave four seconds, or three seconds apart you may wonder. That seems like a wonderful solution. Well that only means that Cam and Gavin and Abby are swimming on top of each other, which is unpleasant as well. There is no winning.

But if we take a quick rewind back to Langston, we can discuss why this man is fantastic. He gives us intervals that we can all make easily and says “if you don’t all do eight dolphin kicks off each wall none of these count.” So we all get something out of it.

Langston is honestly a god send, meaning he will probably quit after this year because that’s what always happens, but we all love him.

I don’t have much else to say.

We’ve only had three practices so nothing very interesting or dramatic has happened yet.

Although these three practices have really solidified my absolute hatred for one person who will remain nameless. There is no need to spread dislike. However every time the person speaks it makes me want to jump off a cliff. I feel bad because it takes a lot for me to dislike a person, but here we are.

Also my brother did swim for three days, but he quit. I have mixed feelings about this. I’m sad because the 20 minute drives were nice brother sister bonding time, but also I couldn’t listen to my really bad music really loud, so I’m kind of happy he’s not going anymore.

We have to sell fudge for a fundraiser and its kind of the worst thing ever. The fudge is $8 for 8oz so it’s not cheap and I don’t blame people for not buying it. I do not want to sell it, but as a captain I am kind of required to try. It’s the worst. We won’t get that much money anyway because everyone is tired of doing it.

I have zero desire to write any more about swim. It is making me dread practice tonight.